Wicca is Very Stupid

Yesterday was Halloween, known to some out there as Samhain. The people these days who use that word to describe Halloween tend to be pagans and often of that particular variety known as Wiccan.

I’ve some small experience with the whole Wicca thing. Back in the day, before I came to my senses, I played around at being Wiccan. Even then I thought the whole thing was pretty silly, but as I’ve aged I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s very silly.

See, I don’t have a problem with Wicca’s fundamental philosophies. There’s a lot to admire in them. Things like their motto of “if it doesn’t hurt anyone, do as you please” (ignoring things like, for instance, someone was gay and decided to live a gay lifestyle, it might “hurt” their loved ones. It’s a nice concept, but invariably when you live your life the way you please, you’re going to wind up causing pain to at least someone who thinks you ought to live your life differently, but at least they mean well with it), and I don’t have any problems with some of their other ideas, like caring for the environment (though one of my friends who has often identified as pagan has no problem littering), and equality between peoples. No, what I have a problem with is the Wiccan concept of magic or, as they prefer it to be spelled, magick. The “k” differentiates it from “magic”, which as we all know doesn’t work, unlike “magick” which… er… also doesn’t work. I’ll stick with “magic” for this article, since I’m tired of seeing my spell-checker underline “magick” in red.

Yes, kids, Wiccans actually do consider themselves to be magic-using witches. I remember reading a book back when I was doing the Wicca thing that provided small number of magic spells one could use. The only one I remember vividly was one for finding a job which consisted of the following steps:

1. Fill a bowl with water

2. Arrange thirteen pennies in it in a circle (I originally typed that as “thirteen penis”, which would be a bit more entertaining)

3. Light a white candle

4. Now go out and put in a whole lot of job applications!

5. Repeat as needed.

It’s an interesting way of doing things. Here’s my personal way.

1. Go out and put in a whole lot of job applications

2. Repeat as needed.

See, I trim it down from five steps to two. Much easier! And why do I do that? Because, and here’s the important part, magic doesn’t exist. Unless someone out there can prove otherwise, magic is not real, does not exist, does not affect the world, and is something made up by our ancestors when they were in their caves hiding from the dark. If there’s anyone out there who can do proven, verifiable magic, I believe James Randi would like to chat with you and give you a million dollars.

So one of the primary parts of Wicca, magic, is complete bullshit, as is anything involving Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate or any horn-headed gods (Pan-theistic?), because, also, gods don’t exist. The Judeo-Christian-Islamic god is fictional, and so are all the others.

Like with any other religion there are, as I said, some good philosophical underpinnings to Wicca, but the whole faith itself is really, really stupid, just like Christianity, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism, Judaism, Scientology, Islam or the Young Men’s Reformed-Cultists-of-the-Ichor-God Bel-Shamharoth Association.

And like with any other religion, I don’t have any particular problems with the practitioners of the faith. Many of my friends consider themselves pagan and/or Wiccan, so I’m sure upon reading this there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth. Either that, or they’ll roll their eyes and say, “Would someone please hide the Badger’s soapbox?”

At least as religions go, Wicca is fairly harmless. But that doesn’t change the fact that, again, like any other religion, it’s built on a foundation of lies that pretend the world is other than it really is. It encourages wooly thinking (which is nothing like fuzzy logic), and is designed to appeal to the credulous. It, like all other religions, needs to go onto the ash heap of history.

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