
So here we have Numbers, the latest book in Badger’s Bible Project, and lest you think the title “Numbers” is just something designed to lure you in with promises of sex and temptation, think again. It starts with a census.
[God said]”Take a census of all the congregation of the children of Israel, by their families, by their fathers’ houses, according to the number of names, ever male individually, from twenty years old and above- all who are able to go to war in Israel…” Numbers 1:2 – 3”
What follows is a read about as compelling as what you’d expect if you were reading census data.
So after that coma inducing read, we get to a whole series of laws, pages and pages of them, as well as tasks assigned to certain groups. Again, this is as good a read as you’d expect.
Finally we get to something with a little more interest to it.
[God says to Moses]”Speak to the children of Israel: ‘When a man or woman commits any sin that men commit in unfaithfulness against the Lord, and that person is guilty,
‘then he shall confess the sin which he has committed. He shall make restitution for his trespass in full, plus one-fifth of it, and give it to the one who was wronged.
‘But if the man has no relative to whom restitution may me made for the wrong, the restitution must go to the Lord for the priest, in addition to the ram of the atonement with which atonement is made for him.’” – Numbers 2:6 – 8
And the priests eat meat that night. Actually, I find the idea of someone making direct, material restitution for a crime to remarkably intelligent. So much better than the idea of stoning everyone in sight, as the Bible usually recommends for even the most minor crimes.
Moving on we come to a part that, thanks to Civilization IV
, I forever hear in the voice of Leonard Nimoy.
”The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
The Lord lift his countenance upon you, and give you peace.” – Numbers 6:24 – 25
A very nice, tender, sweet little prayer, actually.
So we go to some offerings and the Levites being cleansed. Then we come to a part about Passover and the Israelites leaving Mount Sinai (the story part of this is apparently best though of as “Exodus: Side Story 01”). But as the Israelites walk along, they start to kvetch about how there’s nothing to eat but that pesky manna.
”We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions and the garlic;
“but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” – Numbers 11:5 – 6
I doubt they “ate freely” of anything if they were slaves, but there you go.
Even Moses starts to bitch.
So Moses said to the Lord, “Why have you afflicted your servant? And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you have laid the burden of all these people upon me?
“Did I conceive all these people? Did I beget them, that you should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a guardian carries a nursing child,’ to the land which you swore to their fathers?
“Where am I to get meat to give all these people? For the weep all over me, saying, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’
“If you treat me like this, please kill me here and now – if I have found favor in your sight- and do not let me see my wrechedness!” – Numbers 11:11 – 16
Here we have what’s likely the start of all Jewish humor. “What, you want I should give you retail for this? I should die before I’d pay full price!”
Now how does God, the ineffable, perfect being, handle this? Let’s guess. Does God:
A: Ignore their whining
B: Tell them to shut up, and if they don’t, he’s turning this car around right now!
C: Create for them something a little better than manna to eat
D: Inflict some horribly brutal punishment
If you picked anything other than “D”, go back to Genesis and start over!
[God says]”Then you shall say to the people, ‘Consecrate yourselves for tomorrow, and you shall eat meat; for you have wept in the hearing of the Lord, saying, “Who will give us meat to eat? For it was well with us in Egypt.” Therefore the Lord will give you meat, and you shall eat.
‘You shall eat, not one day, nor two days, nor five days, nor ten days, nor twenty days,
‘but for a whole month, until it comes out of your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you, because you have despised the Lord who is among you, and have wept before him saying, “Why did we ever come up out of Egypt?”’” – Numbers 18 – 20
Well, sounds like God wants the Israelites to start doing Atkins. Still the image of people so stuffed with meat it starts to come out their nose is rather funny, if a tad gross.
Not too much meat (har-har), in this portion of Numbers. Thankfully there’s excitement around the bend in the next installment of Badger’s Bible Project!