Conspiracy Theories and You! – Barack Obama Ain’t No Citizen!


There’s a man out there pretending he’s President of the USA. His name is Barry Soetoro (though he might lie and tell you it’s really Barack Hussien Obama). He’s a seriously dangerous individual and no matter what you might think of him or his politics, he has no right to be President of these United States. After all, he wasn’t born in the USA, and even if he was, it doesn’t matter, cause his father wasn’t! Therefore, he isn’t an American citizen and has no business running our country!

Or so They would have you believe.

“They” in this case are a group of fringe idiots called “Birthers”, who contend that Obama has no right to be President because he’s not a legitimate US citizen. This people are what you call “wrong”.

Let’s break down the claims.

Obama was not born in the United States!

Probably just a damn fake!

Probably just a damn fake!

He was, actually. He was born in Hawaii in 1961. We know this for several reasons, such as a birth certificate, and a newspaper announcement. Now to be fair, the actual birth certificate itself has not been released by the government in Honolulu. Instead something called “A Certification of Live Birth” was released, but it seems to have all the necessary info. To me the distinction between the two is pointless and non-existent, and I consider this certification to be enough proof, but there are those out there who want the actual birth certificate itself released (including Andrew Sullivan who says he wants it done so the issue will go away. He’s living in a dream world. No proof will be enough for the Birthers).

Obama’s father wasn’t born in the USA, so Obama can’t be a US citizen!

This is quite a silly little claim and if true would, among other things, invalidate the Presidency of Chester A Arthur, whose father was born in Ireland. But it doesn’t matter that his father wasn’t an American citizen. The law stipulates that to be an American citizen, you simply have to be born in the USA. This leads to a phenomenon with illegal immigration known as “anchor babies”, where illegals have children in the USA in the hopes that, should they ever be caught, the fact that the children are citizens will be enough to keep the kids from being deported.

This particular issue has been settled in the law since 1896 thanks to the Supreme Court ruling in United States v Wong Kim Ark. That ruling applied the 14th Amendment which explicitly states:

Section One: All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.

So that theoretically settles that. Besides, as pointed out earlier, if this belief from the Birthers is true, then Chester A Arthur would not have been officially President, and can you imagine the chaos that would cause? I mean, if not for him, we wouldn’t have… all those… things… and stuff… that he did. Yeah!

Obama went to college under the name “Barry Soetoro!” with a country of birth listed as Indonesia!

This one couldn’t be any more false if it were named Falsey McFalse! It comes from an April Fool’s Day joke! It’s debunked thoroughly at snopes.

Obama traveled to Pakistan at a time when US citizens weren’t allowed to do so! He must’ve used a passport from Indonesia, so he’s not an American!

Oh, dear, so much of that statement is wrong. Snopes again.

Stephen Colbert addressed this on his show the other night, complete with an interview with Orly Taitz, the psychopathic dentist/lawyer/real estate agent who is one of the driving forces behind the Birther movement. God, she’s five kinds of batshit nuts. His interview of her is hilarious!

As I said before, Andrew Sullivan wants the original birth certificate produced, just to shut up the Birthers. I don’t suppose I have any problem with that. Sure, release the damn thing.

But it won’t do any good. These people are not connected to reality and this isn’t really about Obama’s birthplace; it’s really about them hating on him because he’s black/a Democrat/a secret Muslim/whatever. If you say to them, “Will the certificate be proof enough?” and they say yes, and you give it to them, they’ll come up with a reason why it’s not good enough. They’ll move the goalposts so that no matter what proof you give them, it won’t be good enough. They will never change their minds.

Not unlike religion, really…

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2 Responses to “Conspiracy Theories and You! – Barack Obama Ain’t No Citizen!”

  1. ahrcanum Says:

    They might keep moving the goalposts but eventually Constitutional watchers (not just birthers) will score a touchdown or at the very least, field goal- heck- even a safety to ensure that future presidents provide indisputable proof of citizenship.

  2. Chris Says:

    I don’t have any real problem with the idea of requiring some sort of proof of citizenship in future elections. But that said, would you accept the “Certificate of Live Birth” as proof?


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