Wicca is Very Stupid


Yesterday was Halloween, known to some out there as Samhain. The people these days who use that word to describe Halloween tend to be pagans and often of that particular variety known as Wiccan.

I’ve some small experience with the whole Wicca thing. Back in the day, before I came to my senses, I played around at being Wiccan. Even then I thought the whole thing was pretty silly, but as I’ve aged I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s very silly.

See, I don’t have a problem with Wicca’s fundamental philosophies. There’s a lot to admire in them. Things like their motto of “if it doesn’t hurt anyone, do as you please” (ignoring things like, for instance, someone was gay and decided to live a gay lifestyle, it might “hurt” their loved ones. It’s a nice concept, but invariably when you live your life the way you please, you’re going to wind up causing pain to at least someone who thinks you ought to live your life differently, but at least they mean well with it), and I don’t have any problems with some of their other ideas, like caring for the environment (though one of my friends who has often identified as pagan has no problem littering), and equality between peoples. No, what I have a problem with is the Wiccan concept of magic or, as they prefer it to be spelled, magick. The “k” differentiates it from “magic”, which as we all know doesn’t work, unlike “magick” which… er… also doesn’t work. I’ll stick with “magic” for this article, since I’m tired of seeing my spell-checker underline “magick” in red.

Yes, kids, Wiccans actually do consider themselves to be magic-using witches. I remember reading a book back when I was doing the Wicca thing that provided small number of magic spells one could use. The only one I remember vividly was one for finding a job which consisted of the following steps:

1. Fill a bowl with water

2. Arrange thirteen pennies in it in a circle (I originally typed that as “thirteen penis”, which would be a bit more entertaining)

3. Light a white candle

4. Now go out and put in a whole lot of job applications!

5. Repeat as needed.

It’s an interesting way of doing things. Here’s my personal way.

1. Go out and put in a whole lot of job applications

2. Repeat as needed.

See, I trim it down from five steps to two. Much easier! And why do I do that? Because, and here’s the important part, magic doesn’t exist. Unless someone out there can prove otherwise, magic is not real, does not exist, does not affect the world, and is something made up by our ancestors when they were in their caves hiding from the dark. If there’s anyone out there who can do proven, verifiable magic, I believe James Randi would like to chat with you and give you a million dollars.

So one of the primary parts of Wicca, magic, is complete bullshit, as is anything involving Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate or any horn-headed gods (Pan-theistic?), because, also, gods don’t exist. The Judeo-Christian-Islamic god is fictional, and so are all the others.

Like with any other religion there are, as I said, some good philosophical underpinnings to Wicca, but the whole faith itself is really, really stupid, just like Christianity, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism, Judaism, Scientology, Islam or the Young Men’s Reformed-Cultists-of-the-Ichor-God Bel-Shamharoth Association.

And like with any other religion, I don’t have any particular problems with the practitioners of the faith. Many of my friends consider themselves pagan and/or Wiccan, so I’m sure upon reading this there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth. Either that, or they’ll roll their eyes and say, “Would someone please hide the Badger’s soapbox?”

At least as religions go, Wicca is fairly harmless. But that doesn’t change the fact that, again, like any other religion, it’s built on a foundation of lies that pretend the world is other than it really is. It encourages wooly thinking (which is nothing like fuzzy logic), and is designed to appeal to the credulous. It, like all other religions, needs to go onto the ash heap of history.

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45 Responses to “Wicca is Very Stupid”

  1. sillyhether Says:

    youre right, in a way; magick doesnt exist. but, if you think over, and over, and OVER again that youre going to get sick, you will. If you tell someone they are going to fall in love, they will. wiccan magick is based solely on mind control. wich, is in a sense, magick. and to do a spell, you have to want to. if you want to win a soccer game, you have to work for it. if you want to successfully preform a spell, you have to work for it. you have to put lots of time and energy to help it manifest. saying “Im going to do a spell just to see if it works” doesnt mean its going too. I respect your views and all, but I think you should do a bit more research before you start jumping to conclusions.

  2. Chris Says:

    If you tell yourself over and over again that you’re going to get sick, then likely you’ll start feeling bad. Whether you actually have a virus or not is a different story. Same with falling in love. You might well think you’re in love with someone because you were told you were going to be (assuming anyone is that amazingly suggestible), but that doesn’t mean you actually are.

    Either way, spells don’t work unless you can prove otherwise. I’ve done enough research on the world in general to know at least that much. :)

    • J Says:

      I hope you so think prayer is stupid too. A spell is very much like a prayer. With spell work you use your own energies to manifest your needs. It’s directly from you. With prayer you use “gods” energies. ( the invisible friend in the sky).

      • Chris Says:

        I do think prayer is very stupid, yes. When it’s done for meditative purposes, I can kind of let it slide. But when it’s intercessory prayer, especially directed toward an omniscient deity, then I find it silly.

        • Andrea Says:

          You are the stupid one here. supernatural powers such as magic and prayers do work and they are proven. I’ve been a witness of a miracle. I have been in the edge of dying more than three freaking times and I’m still here without a doctor’s help, and you think there’s is no God or Goddess or any kind of supernatural force? You know what? Your sense logic is absurd for many people and honestly I feel bad for you for being so blind, but you don’t need to ruin other’s people beliefs only because your faith has been destroyed because of your shitty miserable life.

          • Chris Says:

            Actually, I’m generally pretty happy in my life. :)

            As for the rest of your comment, great! If these supernatural powers do work (at which point they’d logically be natural and not super, yes?), then please provide proof. If you can do that, you’ll rewrite every physics book, get a Nobel Prize or two, and instantly become most famous person on the planet.

            I await your fame.

  3. originalsinsuality Says:

    I understand and even agree with what you’re saying (and yes I am a Wiccan lol). However, I am of the type to have to experience things first hand before actually believing it. I am a show me type of person and even used to consider myself an atheist (simply due to the fact none of the world religions shared my philosohpy)…

    I can tell you that as someone who has been involved in the Wiccan religion for a while (9 years), many Pagans/Wiccans alike are not easily influenced into believing in anything. Usually we have to figure out for ourselves. Of course, you will always find your nut cases or unicorn type of people too:-)

    Unlike most world religions, Wicca usually is not about blind faith. I have questioned and still question everything. It’s my nature.

    I personally don’t spell magic with a k.

    I also do not literally believe in gods and goddesses. To me they are merely symbols and metaphors for the human experience in an attempt to relate to what we can’t know.

    I do believe that we have a source/creator that is not supernatural at all. To me everything you see is god…

    I guess I am about as scientific and rational of a Wiccan you get can lol. So that just my personal take.

    I do understand and even agree that religion can and I admit, is usually very silly and stupid. I think it’s okay as long as one does not let irrationality and fanaticism rule over their brains…lol

    Everyone is entitled to their opinions but is obvious that you are probably an atheist (not sure) and because of this, Wicca simply wasn’t for you. No problem with that-I can talk to atheists and even agree with them A LOT more than I can with people of other faiths…

    Blessed Be

    )0( Jessica

  4. originalsinsuality Says:

    Oh by-the-way, I looked at your Bible project. That’s awesome lol. But so true. Funny, most Christians don’t think about that or I guess if you’re scared s***less of god then I doubt you’d speak against his wonderful deeds. Lol.

    Funnily, my fiance is a Christian. I guess a more liberal one. But perhaps he is in the wrong religion considering he doesn’t believe god would condone rape (“take the virgins for yourselves”*barf*), genocide, etc.

    The problem with religion and especially the Mid East is that people continue to worship violence disguised as “sacred text.” There is no justification and it is sick people treat spirituality as such.

    Hmmm let’s bring back stoning and treating women no better than property (their status was really no better than that of slaves)…lol

  5. originalsinsuality Says:

    *I meant bring back stoning in this country, America. Lol….

  6. Chris Says:

    Give me or two and I’ll formulate a good reply to your comment. I want to make sure I give it the response it deserves.

  7. Mama Kelly Says:

    I have been Wiccan for over 20 years. After over 2 decades in the faith I can say unequivocally that yes much of it can be silly and most of it is illogical.

    But then any religion, viewed from the view of an outsider or unbeliever can be seen as such.

    Magic is no stranger than prayer. But then you don’t apparently believe in either. And that doesn’t bother me.

    But, for the record, the Wiccan Rede is, more or less as you paraphrased it “if it doesn’t hurt anyone, do as you please.” However, as a Wiccan I know that “doing no harm” is impossible. It represents and ideal that each us should walk through our life doing as little harm as possible – not because “God” or “Goddess” tells me to, but because it is the right thing to do.

    It challenges me to think before I act, to think before I speak, to do what I can to minimize the harm that my mere existance will unfailingly leave in its wake.

    If I am deluding myself into an unfounded belief in a Higher Power/Divine Force – so be it. I am a better person for it.

  8. Chris Says:

    Bah, that’s the problem with arguing Wiccans. It’s like punching air. ;)

    Nevertheless, here we go!

    …I am of the type to have to experience things first hand before actually believing it.

    First-hand, observational evidence shouldn’t be sufficent to belief. One needs objective, verifiable evidence, or at least one should.

    I also do not literally believe in gods and goddesses. To me they are merely symbols and metaphors for the human experience in an attempt to relate to what we can’t know.

    What is there in the world we can’t know, and how is it different from things we just don’t know yet?

    Anyhow, I’m mostly just happy I got to work in the Pan-theism joke. ;)

    I do believe that we have a source/creator that is not supernatural at all. To me everything you see is god…

    Then what’s the point of having a religion built around it?

    I have been Wiccan for over 20 years. After over 2 decades in the faith I can say unequivocally that yes much of it can be silly and most of it is illogical.

    But then any religion, viewed from the view of an outsider or unbeliever can be seen as such.

    And I view any religion as silly and illogical. All religion is, especially on the illogical part. No point in going around thinking something is true with out some verifiable evidence to support it.

    But, for the record, the Wiccan Rede is, more or less as you paraphrased it “if it doesn’t hurt anyone, do as you please.” However, as a Wiccan I know that “doing no harm” is impossible. It represents and ideal that each us should walk through our life doing as little harm as possible – not because “God” or “Goddess” tells me to, but because it is the right thing to do.

    It is a good ideal to reach for. Then again, so is the Golden Rule. There’s just not any point to building a religion around it.

    If I am deluding myself into an unfounded belief in a Higher Power/Divine Force – so be it. I am a better person for it.

    Ok, but why not just do right without bothering to have any gods/higher power/divine force/FSM in the way?

  9. originalsinsuality Says:

    I didn’t know there was an argument. I wasn’t anyway though maybe you’re. I was just commenting respectfully.

    I’m stubborn and rely on myself, not others observations. However, I am objective. I am not out looking for this or that to prove some point and I do look at everything with a fine, skeptical eye.

    By “can’t know” I meant:

    There is much left to discover. Science is full of answers, questions, and theories but that is the fun part of it. I believe as humans we are limited in this knowledge. For example, animals do not have the same exact type of knowledge as us. They have a limit. I think that us humans aren’t the smartest beings in this world as many want to think. Why shouldn’t we have some kind of limit on our intelligence or what we can know about the world at large too? One only has to look to space and realize that indeed there is a mystery…we do not know everything there is to know. We have science to uncover the mystery or to at least put some of the pieces back together.

    So, yes, I believe we can’t know it all-we are limited as everything has it’s limits. We aren’t gods as we so like to think…lol. I couldn’t tell you what we can’t know because we don’t know! Lol. How is it different from what we just don’t know yet…what we do discover is basically what we can understand as human beings…just my take on it.

    What’s the point in having a religion built around it…well to me god is very real but not in the traditional way, not in the way we know as humans. What is “god”- the only way I can put it is that “god” is the source we come from which is not some invisible Zeus or Yahweh in the sky,etc. We are all connected to one another and it is a web of life which is ultimately connected to the rest of universe, etc.

    So I guess that makes me a nature worshipping pantheist…lol.

    I do have “verifiable evidence” to this non-supernatural “god”=nature, the cosmos, humanity,etc.

    The problem with us humans is this: we think we are so intelligent, the most articulate beings ever to have lived. Honestly, one reason I believe there is something more is the simple fact that we can’t be as intelligent as we are without there having been some intelligent source out there. Meaning, if the universe can produce intelligence in life then why can’t the universe itself have intelligence??? It doesnt’ make sense that intelligence is produced from something dead or inarticulate.

    So my view is scientific, not so much supernatural. I’d have to be an atheist if it had to be the other way around believe me:-)

    I am a humanist in that I do not believe you must have religion in order to be a caring and moral person. That is outright ridiculous. I had my values and morals way before Wicca came into my life.

    Not to mention the fact that some so-called “religious” people have done horrific things in the name of “religion” and are not very high up in morals.

    All you need is love in your heart and a care for others well-being and feelings.

    I don’t see it as “bothering” to have any higher power “in the way.”

    People usually seek religion so they will find meaning in the everyday and mundane, to feel connected.

    Perhaps it is because I am young and the cynicism of the world hasn’t caught up with me yet but I personally enjoy this relationship to the unknown or whatnot. However, I would stop at allowing religion to keep me from believing in science and questioning things. I love science. Always question everything is my phiolosophy.

  10. may Says:

    wicca is not completely all that magic stuff…. its mostly tuning oneself with nature. There are some spells but they are ones that make sense, unlike the one left in this

    • Chris Says:

      Alrighty. In what way do they make sense?

      • mr. mister Says:

        @Chris
        In what way do YOU make sense? All that matters is that it makes sense to May. It’s the same as an English speaker asking a Cantonese speaker why Cantonese makes sense (and waiting for an appropriate explanation, no doubt)…you, Chris, are that English speaker I’m referring to. I’m not Wiccan, nor would I ever prescribe to Wiccan beliefs, but that doesn’t give me the right to blatantly call it stupid. This quote seems to fit you rather well:

        “In some awful, strange, paradoxical way, atheists tend to take religion more seriously than the practitioners.”

        -Jonathon Miller

        • Chris Says:

          Actually, I consider all religion to be stupid. And I have to take religion seriously, given how often it’s used as a way of oppressing people.

          • Driklir Says:

            Well said Chris, and of course you have to take religion seriously because if you don’t then why do people believe in their religions if they don’t take it seriously? Also why can’t he express his opinions and ask questions if it’s his blog? On a side note I doubt you will ever get a response to why the spells make sense for obvious reasons.

  11. Camille Says:

    Well Chris, you are way to uneducated to say the Wicca is “stupid”. If you wanna actually post something that proves it’s stupid, you better find some actual proof before you go fucking with my religion.

    • crumblerworm Says:

      Wicca is stupid, really fucking stupid.

      • BANE Says:

        @Camille
        I dont believe that whole magick thing. Whoopdy do da witch wicca is stupid. Please dont be a dick bout it.

      • anonamous Says:

        Can’t you think up something original? I could call you an ‘a*s-f***ing inbred’ or a ‘meth-sniffing, white-trash piece of sh*t’, but all you can think of is wicca is stupid?well At least I have civilized religion. If I worshipped beer and basketball like you and every other dumbass who makes fun of religion, I think I’d hate myself.”

    • anonamous Says:

      yea wicca is just like any other religion. if you don’t like it you don’t have to believe in it, otherwise, stop spreading fucking rumors bout my religion.

  12. J Says:

    Now that I have looked at your profile and see you are gay I understand why you hate religion.
    I do spell work almost every day. I have seen it work in my life and in the lives of the people I do spells for. Do no harm refers to keeping yourself in check. Don’t say hurtful things, don’t do harmful things, keeps your thoughts and works helpful. Just as the three fold rule applies to spell works do no harm applies to my everyday life.
    You seem bitter and annoyed with wiccans for no reason. You just insult.
    Perhaps someday you will release the the hate.

    Blessed be
    )o(

    • Chris Says:

      Bi, not gay. I hate religion because it perpetrates a set of stories that claim to be truth, yet fall apart when subjected to even the weakest of logical exmainings. Religion claims to understand how the universe functions and expects us to just take its word for it. Science actually does explain how the universe functions (more or less), and offers proof of such.

      I don’t hate Wicca more than any other religion. If you read carefully you’ll note that I praise much of the underlying philosophy. It’s just a lot of the religious trappings that go with that philosophy that I have a problem with, especially the magic stuff. And if you really do magic, and really can prove that it works, then you have a moral obligation to do so in a controlled, scientific setting for the betterment of all. I await your explanation for why that’s impossible.

      • BANE Says:

        I dont see why you have to say that he doesnt believe because of his sexual prefrence. He like all humankind have different opinions.

  13. BANE Says:

    So you bash others beliefs because evolution is stupid and just a theory?

    Im sorry I had to ram that in. I am Christian and am not offended, but “magick” is stupid. I read a wiccan book and died laughing.

  14. CG Says:

    How I personally see magic and spells as prayers and rituals. Christians light candles, pray and sing. Wiccans light candles and “pray” and sing. That spell you posted is basically illustrating “Praying” we just call it magic instead. I’m sorry you did not understand the concept.

    • Chris Says:

      Ok, but I find prayers to be very silly, too. I do, in fact, understand the concept. But that understanding doesn’t make it any less silly.

  15. Horapollo Says:

    Nah, I think that sacramentalism and mythology have very powerful psychological effects, not to mention just being fun (especially if you can really get into it, which most pew potatoes – Christian or Wiccan – can’t). The trouble with Wicca is that it’s TOO MUCH like Christianity. Most Wiccans are crypto-Christian pansies who will tell you not to use magic to benefit yourself, tell you that some bullshit ‘karma’ will come to get you, etc. Much like American Buddhists and NeoPagans, most of these people are just liberal Christians in stupid dresses. Some of the things you ‘don’t have a problem with’ are the exact things I loathe about them, like their non-commital, mealy-mouthed sophmoric liberal moralizing about ‘not hurting others’ and all of their neurotic fixations with ‘nature’, as though humans and plastic were somehow supernatural. In fact, this is the same reason I can’t stand Humanists. They’ve just replaced Gawd with Man and copied Christian mythology onto a secular template. Their pseudo-scientific moralizing is repulsive, and their cult of equality is no less mystical and submoronic than the Trinity. As Robert Lynd said, “When the last Puritan has disappeared from the earth, the man of science will take his place as a killjoy, and we shall be given the same old advice but for different reasons.” — Robert Staughton Lynd. As with the Humanists, so with the Wiccans: Puritan moralfag morons who want to take everything literally and think that the world owes them something. A pox on both your houses.

    The Satanists are a fuck of a lot better, even if Tony LaVey was a plagiarist. All you Humanists and Paganfags should grow a pair of balls and read some Max Stirner. Stop pretending people have intrinsic value and I’ll give a shit what you believe.

    • transcendence0q Says:

      I found this response very entertaining. Moralfag? Haha! First time I’ve heard that.

      • anonamous Says:

        all this crap about wicca being stupid is all a piece of bull. because 1. if you guys hate it so much why are you doing nothing but write about it? 2. we stay out of your way and keep our religion a secret. you guys just decide to be nosy and get into other peoples buissness. and we don’t do spells all the time you morons. we respect the gods and mother nature. we harm nobody. and wicca is a religion just like anything else, you guys just go out and out a bad name on it. it would be like putting a bad name on Christianity or something. we are good. we aren’t evil and we absolutely DO NOT worship the devil. so why don’t you guys get your head out of your asses, get you noses out of others peoples buissness, and get a life.

  16. anonamous Says:

    oh and we are normal people like you. except we don’t make fun of a very sensitive topic, religion. so if youre gonna talk smack about religions just fucking email each other for god sakes

    • SpicyFries Says:

      Uh, Excuse me. The man wrote down his opinion. Therefore it is Literature. If your not offended by literature, than it is not doing it’s job.

  17. Skycraft28 Says:

    Um… I am a wiccan. And yes, sometimes it seems silly, but really, it isn’t magic like you see in movies or such, and Magick is magic…. But you know what… God is a god right? And gods are named different, like Zues, and things like that. So you know…. You’re silly sir. All religions are a little silly.

    • Chris Says:

      Well, that’s just the thing. I think all religions are quite silly. Some more silly than others (and I put Wicca on the “more silly” list). Some are also quite dangerous, and at least Wicca isn’t that.

      • Alexandria Says:

        Now, I’m not Wiccan but I know Wiccans are pretty open.So why are you hating more on Wicca than other religions? Unlike other religions, Wicca don’t mind bi people aka you.

        • Chris Says:

          Oh, I hate on all religions. And to be fair, it’s generally only the Judeo-Christian-Islam triad that has a major problem with people who are gay or bi. Other religions run the gamut from just as hateful as those to quite accepting.

  18. Bobby Ziltch Says:

    Wiccan “magik” is right up there with Christian fundamentalists (This being used to describe somone who literally believe the events in the old and new testament happened as written by the King James version) in physics defying events and happenings.

    It’s just plain silly.

    I read through a Wiccan spell book my friend loaned me once and when it got to “The Power of Magnets” I started busting out laughing.

    It basically came down to, “Magnets, how do they fucking work?” I dunno “Magik.” I guess.

    But I will say at least Wiccans are generally nice and peaceful folk.

  19. sam Says:

    they who believe in magick, will only see magick
    please don’t hate on other religions. you have no business doing so.
    )o(

    • Chris Says:

      I have every business doing so, for I hate on all religions equally. They’re all a varying degrees of stupid. Wicca is but one of many.

      • SpicyFries Says:

        Chris has a right to hate on any religion. Why? because he has the freedom of opinion. This is just one article saying (although quite vaguely) that he thinks something you hold dear is silly. Now I’m standing up for the guy. Am I a Atheist? no I believe in a God. Am I siding with him because I’m gay or bi? No I’m straight. Am I siding with him because my religion is right and yours is wrong? Well in my opinion my religion is right and your’s is wrong, but I digress. I’m siding with him, because he said something he believes in and your trying to tear it down. Your trying to break his faith, convert him, and ultimately destroy him with your expressly Illogical views on life. Stop trying to crucify Chris.
        Also wiccans, witch’s whatever the hell you are, tell me why is it in all religions’ in the world a vagina is a vagina, but in wiccan a vagina is a flower?


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