Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 vanished a few days ago. What we know right now is that it took off, flew along like normal, and then disappeared not long after the transponder was turned off. The plane’s last transmission was, “Alright, good night,” and that was all. It was (possibly) picked up on radar some time later, heading west, out toward the Indian Ocean. It sounds as though either the pilot or the co-pilot, or possibly both, did something to the plane. And…that’s about all we know for sure.
Of course with this gap in actual information, we have a vacuum, and if there’s one thing the universe hates, it’s a vacuum. As a result, the conspiracy theories are beginning to roll in. Snopes has already published an article about some nonsense regarding patents, for example. I’ve also seen stuff about the Mossad, Israel’s intelligence branch, bringing down the plane because reasons. My personal favorite, however, is the theory that someone I work with floated. According to them, the CIA (of course), hijacked the plane and landed it at a secret island landing base, like Diego Garcia, which is so secret, no one has ever even heard of it! They would then take off the passengers, make them all sign non-disclosure agreements, and give them new identities before sending them off to their new lives.
Let me know when you’re done going “What?” and laughing.
All done? Good.
Now I almost don’t even want to bother shooting that conspiracy down (just like how North Korea shot down Flight 370!!!! No, no, stay on topic…), but I can’t resist. First off, what? What the fuck? Why would the CIA want to steal a 777? If they did want it, why would they want to get one in such a public fashion? I’m pretty sure they could just create a holding company or something, and then, you know, buy one used. That would be much smarter and much less public than creating some big mystery like this. Also, what? Really? They’d just let everyone go after they signed some NDAs? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that if it were me they did that to, I’d ask to get sent to Brazil, and once there, I’d do my level best to track down Glenn Greenwald. I might have travel papers saying my name is actually Vokda Santos (possibly the best name ever), but I’m pretty sure some DNA tests would quickly prove who I really am.
So, yeah. That’s just an incredibly stupid conspiracy theory. But then again, most of them are.
Now it is worth saying that we don’t yet know what happened to Flight 370. My initial guess was that it just crashed. These things happened. That seems less and less likely as time goes on, but the notion that it was spirited away to some secret landing site seems pretty damn unlikely. Still, we don’t know. But I think we can all agree that, no, it wasn’t the CIA, and it wasn’t aliens. Whatever happened will likely be something interesting, but fairly mundane. Hopefully we will know soon, and if we don’t, hopefully people can come up with better, more plausible conspiracy theories than ones like this.