Video Game Review – Goat Simulator


So you say you wanna play a really pissed-off goat? A description that I am sure describes all goats, but the one you want needs to have super powers, like a really long tongue, and an indestructible head? Boy, have I got a game for you. In Goat Simulator you play a goat. You go on a murderous rampage. And…you’re a goat. That’s about it, really. There’s no story, there’s no boss, there’s no real goals. All there is, is a goat fueled by grass and murder.

And I'm all out of grass.

And I’m all out of grass.

As this goat, you go along kicking, headbutting, and destroying a small town. You get to blow up gas stations with your mighty legs! Your headbutt is so strong, you can blow up semi-trucks with it! It’s even rumored you can headbutt the sun into death (not actually a rumor, just a lie).

Despite being the game about nothing other than a goat whose woman done him wrong, and now he wants revenge (or something like that), this is an incredibly fun game to play. It’s a sandbox game, and normally those are pretty “eh” unless they’re the Sims. But in this case, oh, my. There’s so much to do. You can blow up a gas station (earning a MICHAEL BAY message), murder a few hippies, or get hit by a car. Speaking of, the ragdoll physics aspect of the game is really well-executed, and is actually an essential part of the game. You can basically turn your goat into a ragdoll/dead goat corpse at pretty much any time. When you do, you can do some pretty interesting things, like go down a water slide, or play around on skateboard ramps.

The other fun bit of mayhem in the game is the goat’s tongue. It’s big. Like several times the goat’s body length. And he uses it. Oh, does he ever. Using your tongue, you can basically pull things around, thus enabling you to create a pile of hippie corpses, if that’s your thing (and it totally should be).

The graphics and sound for this game are very basic. Think “early Playstation 2” basic.

Now this is a fairly simple game. There is almost literally nothing to it beyond mayhem. There is no complexity. There is no plot. There is nothing but death. As such, I suspect it’s not going to have a lot of legs for long-term play. It’s also got some rather spicy language, which parents, who would otherwise be ok with their kids going on a goat-based murder spree, might have a problem with. But you know, if you’re looking for short-term fun, or want a game you can use to amuse your friends with while ingesting the intoxicants of your choice, you could do far worse than this one.

Goat Simulator is currently available on the PC through the Steam Network.

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3 Responses to “Video Game Review – Goat Simulator

  1. Jessie Says:

    I AM THE GOAT QUEEN!

  2. IdiotBoi Productions (@IdiotBoiProd) Says:

    We got our own Goat to simulate…


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