I’m occasionally disappointed in an episode of Doctor Who. The series has had some great stories over the decades, but they’ve also had things like “The Twin Dilemma” and “Love and Monsters”. These episodes are annoying, but at least they aren’t generally an insult to my intelligence.
Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to “Kill the Moon”.
It’s hard to put into words how much I disliked this story. The idea of something being “wrong” with the Moon is an interesting one, and the series generally does “base under siege” stories well, which is what I thought this story would be. I was incorrect.
Spoilers from here on out.
Instead of some interesting alien menace (webs? Bring on the Eight Legs, or the Yeti!), we get giant bacteria. We’re told that they’re single-celled organisms, which seems extremely unlikely given what they look like. But, you know, I could just about go with that, because ok. Doctor Who, for all its greatness, has always been more fiction than science.
But then we find out what’s really going on: the moon is, and has always been, a giant egg and there’s a creature inside it that’s about to hatch, and now it’s suddenly gaining a lot of mass, fucking with the tides and the like. I’m not sure exactly how that’s happening, because where is the mass coming from?
Anyhow, the world has sent up the last space shuttle and the last astronauts (also there are apparently no more satellites for some reason?), with 100 nuclear bombs to try and fix this problem. They don’t know the moon is really an egg, but once this is discovered, the bombs are rather conveniently enough to kill the creature inside the egg.
This then leads to a bizarre scene where Clara decides she can’t make up her mind about whether or not they should kill this creature, so she tells the people of Earth to decide by leaving their lights on or turning them off. This means only the people on the night side within her field of vision get a vote, but eh. The lights then turn off in large clusters, because apparently that’s how these things go.
Then after everyone votes to kill it, she overrides the vote at the last minute, the Doctor takes everyone off the moon and they all watch (and hear, somehow), from Earth as the moon hatches and some space thing flies away as the eggshell conveniently disintegrates, leaving no debris to fuck things up further. So now the Earth has no moon, but, hey, seconds later it leaves an egg of equal mass, because that’s how science works.
As I said, this episode really, seriously is an insult to the intellect. As one of my friends said, there isn’t even any bad science so much as there is no science. Nothing about this story makes any sense.
And the ethical conundrum? Do you kill one (potentially) sentient lifeform in order to almost certainly save billions of certainly sentient lifeforms? Fuck and yes! It’s the only correct and ethical choice to make. It sucks, but there you are. Of course as we learn from the story it would have been the wrong choice to make, since the eggshell disintegrated and the creature laid a new moon that was the same mass as the old one, but, hey, I guess Clara and company should have just known that was going to happen! Or they should have just “trusted in the universe”, but that’s basically religion, and it can go suck a bag of dicks.
I really, really disliked this episode, as you can tell.
What made it truly annoying was the fact that the character stuff in here worked brilliantly! Courtney is now basically a companion (more than one story and a trip in the TARDIS), and her chemistry with Clara is excellent. It’s also nice to see that we have the potential for a situation where the companions are two Coal Hill teachers and one student.
I also really liked Clara having it out with the Doctor at the end. Shades of Tegan telling him it just wasn’t fun anymore. It was a good scene, and it’s always nice to have someone put the Doctor in his place when he needs it.
But nice those moments were, there were different and better ways to bring them about than what happened in this giant misstep of an episode. Hopefully what we get next week will be better. It’s hard to see how it could be worse.