TV Review: Star Trek: Discovery – 1.03


Well, that was awful.

Yes, I’d held out hope that somehow the third episode would be better than the first two. That once we got to see the “real” crew and characters, we’d get something better, interesting, and, indeed, watchable.

We did not. Spoilers ahoy!

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At least the outfit’s color is correct!

As with last time, I’m just going to write up a laundry list.

  • Apparently in The Future, military prisoners and civilian prisoners are housed together, because that makes sense. Yes, people who violated civilian law are put into the same prisons as those who violated military law.
  • Also apparently graduation from Starfleet Academy requires the completion of advanced courses on being an unprofessional, unlikable dick.
  • Seriously. The security officer is extremely rude to the prisoners under her care (something normal prison guard-types are not), Lt Gaylord Gaypants (more on him in a bit), is rude and unprofessional toward Burnham, and no one really acts like they have any business being on a starship.
  • Tribbles. Those are a thing. Because why not.
  • Lt Gaylord Gaypants, our first gay character. In case you aren’t sure if he’s gay, don’t worry; the fact that he acts like a stereotype out of a nineties sitcom will inform you.
  • Speaking of nineties TV, it’s good to see that Alley McBeal is making a comeback as a Starfleet Cadet.
  • Wait, why did they blow up the Glenn? It’s implied that Starfleet is already stretched for resources. Why not salvage it?
  • Why were the civilian prisoners brought into the mess hall? Wouldn’t you just put them into the brig for holding until they were sent away? That would prevent the “necessity” of killing them, which the show absolutely implies is what happened.
  • That monster thing was fucking gigantic. How could it possibly follow Burnham through the Jeffries tubes?
  • How can a phaser rifle be powerful enough to cut through steel but not powerful enough to kill a rampaging creature?
  • So 90 light years in 1.3 seconds using the magical travel ability of spores! Given that Voyager didn’t have access to that technology, we can assume it’s going to fail dramatically somehow.
  • Also, Romulus? Sure, why the fuck not. You don’t know what the species themselves look like yet, but I guess you do know what the planet looks like, so why not go for it, because that’s logical.

Were there good things? Sure. For example:

  • Amanda was mentioned.

…oh, that’s it.

I don’t know what the hell this show is, but it really isn’t Star Trek. None of these characters behave like Starfleet officers. Not even one. There isn’t any “strange new worlds, etc”. The fact that this is a prequel continues to be irritating because of all the continuity issues it brings up.

I wanted to wait until we actually saw the actual characters and crew that we’re going to be stuck with for the rest of the season. I wanted to give this show a chance past the pilot. I’m very sorry that I did, but maybe I should be happy; I now know not to waste any more time trying to watch this godawful show.

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One Response to “TV Review: Star Trek: Discovery – 1.03”

  1. Chris Says:

    Forgot to mention that we’re now given an in-universe explanation for poor lighting. So that’s a thing. God, I hate this show so far.


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